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Sally Struthers and the Other Best Walking Video of the Summer

25 Jun

Oh sure, everyone’s been watching the Prancercise video that’s been making the rounds of the internet. But let’s be honest, guys, there’s a lot that video leaves out about walking for fitness. Like for example, the question of how the different genders should dress in order to most effectively master that strange excercisal mid-range between striding and galumphing? Sally Struthers, luckily, made a video that I think answers that quite nicely:

 

If you’re a woman, just follow Sally’s lead and wear something just a scooch more conservative than a Victorian bathing costume, but made out of sweatsuit. But if you’re a man, well, that’s a whole other thing. I don’t have male genitalia myself, but I would imagine that it’s a tricky balance to find when you’re going to be doing an activity as hip-swinging as fitness walking. You must find a way to carefully cradle your man bits in enough fabric to protect them, with just enough tension to make sure that they are held as taut as peaches in a plastic grocery bag. However, you don’t want to clog up your moving legs with any extraneous fabric, and every good bridge maker knows that you must leave flexibility for movement or the entire structure might just snap. And, let’s be honest, if you’re doing an activity as manly as fitness walking, you want to make sure you get a little biological display in there. So, you should show off your rampant masculinity to the ladies by making sure they can see the full outline of your own Sally and the Struthers, if you get what I’m sayin’.

I think we can all agree that these dudes have fully mastered the wearing of the fitness walking shorts. With not a whisper more fabric than is absolutely necessary to swath their personal prancercisers, these shorts say both “I am the stallion who will mount the world” and “please focus on anything besides the walk that I am doing.”

But you needn’t have worried, guys. After all, there are plenty of dudes who have triumphed in much longer pants with much sillier walks:

 

 

P.S. a big thank you to Isaac for exposing me to this wonder.

Something I Never Noticed Before about ‘The Phantom of The Opera’

14 Jun

I forgot one thing from my Tony Awards thoughts round-up: a realization I had while watching the number from ‘The Phantom of the Opera’.

First of all, I love Phantom (no really, I do – my friend Dave and I went back this year to see Sierra Boggess and both became unironically re-obsessed with the show). However, I don’t know about you guys watching at home, but from the house that number sounded as tinned as a can of SPAM. I’m sure those guys can actually really sing, but I think Dave and I could have lip-synced it and been just as convincing, considering how piped in it sounded (by the way, Dave and I are totally available to lip-sync the entire show, anytime).

BUT, that is not what I came on here to say. What I actually noticed was the lyric “and though you turn from me to glance behind”. How can she be turning from him to glance behind? He’s behind her on the boat! She’d have to sort of lean to the side and look around him to glance behind, which wouldn’t really be turning from him. So, to be accurate, the lyric would have to be “and though you crane your head to glance behind” or “and though you scooch ’round me to glance behind.”  Or, alternately, the lyric could be “and though you turn from me to glance in front,” which I suppose is much lamer.

They’ve sort of half solved it with the staging, which points the boat upstage on the lyric.  That means the boat is facing back the way they came, and she is indeed turning from him to glance behind on their journey. However, this messes up the suspension of disbelief that the Phantom is piloting the boat through many dark cavernous passageways, since if she’s indeed looking back the way they came, he definitely just piloted them in a big old circle. Which is possible – I mean, he is wearing a mask on one eye, it’s possible he has really bizarre peripheral vision and has a hard time going forward (especially with a steering device that only goes on one side of the boat, and a wide, short boat – those things are impossible to make go straight), or that he just wants to show off all the pretty candles that it probably took him forever to light.

Here, take a gander for yourself – the boaty goodness starts at about 3:10:

But hey, it could be much worse: in the movie, the Phantom sings that lyric having just put Christine on the horse that INEXPLICABLY LIVES IN THE UNDERGROUND CATACOMBS OF THE PARIS OPERA HOUSE, FULLY TACKED, AND PROCEEDS TO TAKE CHRISTINE ABOUT FORTY FEET THAT SHE COULD HAVE VERY EASILY WALKED HERSELF. So really, whether she’s looking back or not is the least of the logical problems at that moment.

 

By the way, this might be the first in a new blog series calls ‘Anika Overthinks Theater’.

More Awards for the Tony Awards

12 Jun

I think we can all agree, this year Broadway’s biggest night was BAD. ASS. Back at Radio City after a few years at the Beacon, the Tony Awards managed to fill the gigantic space with pure theater joy. I was lucky enough to be watching from the orchestra seats (right behind Jesse Eisenberg! You can sort of see my left ear and shoulder in a really quick shot, so I’m basically a famous person now, FYI). The show was delightful from there too – no small feat considering you are sitting in your seat for four plus hours straight, and it’s hot under those lights, and so most people are just sweaty hangry spanxy messes by the end.

Despite all the awards handed out during the show, I felt that there were some awards left hanging. So, I thought I would step in to fill that void with some awards of my own. Thus, without further ado:

Best Avoidance of Misuse of Power: Neil Patrick Harris

Can we just agree that Neil Patrick Harris is the best host of anything ever? I mean, seriously, the dude did like seven things in the opening number that the vast majority of regular humans cannot do, and he did a lot of them at the same time. And yet the entire time he made it seem like piking through hoops and being lifted by cheerleaders while also singing and being incredibly charming was the easiest thing ever. At the end of that number (which made me cry with pure Broadway love upon rewatching), the audience in Radio City had so collectively lost their minds with the overwhelming face-melting joy of it all that Neil Patrick Harris could have commanded us all to do pretty much whatever he wanted, and we would have done it – crowd-surfed the cast out like we were a giant mosh pit, opened our wallets, stormed the barricade, murdered Michael Reidel. Instead he just kept on hosting the show, like a BOSS.

Tony Loss Most Personally Upsetting To Anika Chapin: Bertie Carvel

This isn’t to take anything away from Billy Porter, who is amazing and deserves prizes. But dang, Bertie Carvel created another species of human being on that stage, and it was one of my favorite performances of all time.

Tony Performance Most Representative of the Show Itself: Motown

Motown’s performance started out great – fun dancing and singing of songs everybody loves. And then, much like the show itself, it got to the point where you thought “well that was fun, I suppose it should be wrapping up now,” and there proceeded to be many more long minutes of performance, on a diminishing scale of funness. Motown, you’ve got some great stuff in you, but you are too. Fucking. Long.

Most Mystifying to an Entire Audience/viewing Public: The Rascals

What the hell WAS that?! Maybe I was distracted by Steve Van Zandt’s ‘I Am My Own Wife’ headscarf, but there was a distinct aura of confusion in the house when The Rascals did their performance. The show itself was a bit of a mystery – it just popped up one day in a theater like a strange psychedelic Brigadoon – and I don’t think the performance helped clarify anything. So it’s about… a band? It IS the band? There’s some trippy projections and someone from The Sopranos? Is the entire show an immersive experience to simulate an acid trip? Inquiring minds want to know.

Best Argument for Immediate Casting as a Comedic Character in a Comedy: Laura Benanti

That TV number was genius, and all four of its participants were great. But damn, Laura Benanti is HILARIOUS. And yet, she’s most often cast as the sweet, sort-of-ditsy female straight man. She’s a talented actress, so I’m not saying she doesn’t also do that well, but come ON, people. Just because she’s gorgeous doesn’t mean she and her genius comedy instincts couldn’t be the smart funny lead of her own show. Get with it, producers and TV execs.

Best Argument for Immediate Casting as a Batman Villain: Cicely Tyson

Cicely Tyson proved herself a legend with with her moving and dignified acceptance speech, and she proved herself a legend twice over by pulling off a dress no other human being on the planet could possibly rock:

But I can’t help but think that she would be triply legendary if she wore this exact look straight on over to Gotham City. Think about it: she could be the regal Lady Aubergine, capable of hypnotizing the good people of Gotham with her velvet voice and dignified dramatic pauses, only to kill them with poison darts from her ruffles.

Best Embodiment of the Full Variety of Sexiness: Scarlet Johansson and Alan Cumming

   Big props to both of these guys for being so funny and gracious about not being nominated, but also, dayamn!! With ScarJo in black and Alan Cumming in white, they were like the yin and yang of sexy: completely opposite types, one lush and voluptuous, one skinny and unusual, but both possessed of that ineffable juju that makes everyone in the world want to do it to them.

Best Visual Description of a Weird Problem with Broadway: the NINETY BILLION PRODUCERS onstage with every show. 

  Sweet lord jeebus, there were a ton of people accepting awards for the winning shows! I counted 26 people for ‘Whose Afraid of Virginia Woolf’, a show that featured a cast of four people. I know the economics of producing Broadway are getting increasingly complicated, but it feels like if we keep going this way it’ll just be easier to put the camera on the audience and have everyone who DIDN’T produce the show raise their hands.

Best Accessorizing of a Tony: Fran Weissler

  She won a shiny silver Tony for the stellar revival of ‘Pippin’, and it happened to go perfectly with her awesome and gigantic necklace. Whether she had won or not, that is the necklace of a winner. Or a queen from an exotic kingdom on ‘Game of Thrones’, which is pretty much the same thing.

Just the Best: NPH, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Tommy Kail, and Audra McDonald. 

   Just, blargh, you guys. This quartet – my brain can’t form worthy words. Between the opening number, the final rap, the sassiness with which Audra McD chimed in, there’s just too much goodness here, so I’ll let their final moment speak for itself:

My Picks for the Next Dr. Who

7 Jun

It’s been a long rainy afternoon, which means that I felt pretty good about giving up any pretense of productivity and making a butt-shaped dent in the couch while I watched multiple hours of ‘Dr. Who’. I’m a latecomer to the series, so I’m still pretty far behind – I’m wrapping up Season 4 now – but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have oh so many feelings about it. Like, Donna Noble! So awesome! And really, the Daleks are the superkillers of this world? Because they are pretty much just giant bumpy traffic cones whose weapons are a whisk and a plunger. I mean, how about the invisible piranhas that live in the shadows and pick your bones clean when you walk out of the light? Those things are terrifying!

Anyhoo, it was recently announced that Matt Smith, who plays the most recent incarnation of the Doctor (because if you don’t watch the show, it has a BRILLIANT built-in ‘we can run forever’ device, which is that the Doctor can regenerate himself, allowing new actors to take over the role every few years) is leaving the show. That means it’s time to find a new Doctor, and the internet is abuzz. And because I went down a significant Dr. Who rabbit hole this afternoon, I now feel qualified to add my own two cents to a world FULL of cents.

Judging from the previous actors they have hired to play the Doctor, here are some elements that seem to be likely for whoever comes next:

1. Male

The Doctor can technically take a number of different forms, but so far all eleven incarnations have been dudes. There’s been some support to have the next Doctor be a woman, which, lets be honest, would be awesome and long overdue. However, there are elements of the Dr. Who universe that would make having a female Doctor more complicated than just having a lady running the TARDIS. Beyond just the very present (and lame) excuse of ‘tradition’, the biggest hurdle is that the Doctor (spoiler!) has a female wife. Although the showrunners of the show have said they would welcome a woman Doctor (and the show has been progressive in its portrayal of sexualities, most notably in the bisexual (or pansexual) Captain Jack Harkness), I would imagine that the BBC would still be gun shy about having their most massive shows feature a lesbian relationship at its core. Also, judging from the soul-crushing vitriol in internet comments, lots of fans are, shall we say, resistant. Also, horrible people, because YIKES you guys.

2. A Theater and TV Background

Judging from the new incarnations, casting directors are looking at actors who have legit stage credits (especially in Shakespeare and classics) as well as some roles in television series. Movies don’t seem to be a direct line to the TARDIS.

3. Moderate Fame

All three of the latest Doctors weren’t hugely famous when they were cast. They were more like “oh, THAT guy!” I’d expect that the next Doctor will follow the same route – established enough to be known, but not so famous that viewers will have to shake off previous roles to buy him as the Doctor. Benedict Cumberbatch is too famous. Dominic Cooper and Idris Elba probably are as well. Even Ben Whishaw, whose name has come up quite a bit, might be too famous.

4. 35+

The Doctors are getting younger; Christopher Eccleston is 49, David Tennant is 42, and Matt Smith is only 30. Since traditionally the Doctors have skewed older, I would imagine that they don’t want to continue the trend of Merlin-like backwards aging, and will choose someone a little older than Matt Smith, at least.

5. A Sense of Fun

Yes, he’s a pacifist and a time-traveler and filled with inner pain, but let’s be honest; everyone likes the Doctor more when he’s funny. Christopher Eccleston, the first of the new reincarnations, is an actor who naturally reads more sinister and dangerous, and whenever he smiled his big “I’m having fun!” smile you just thought he was about to snap and murder someone. Which, when the Doctor is supposed to be the guy in the universe you can trust the most, isn’t great.

6. White?

This is the biggest question. All the Doctors so far have been white, but in a show that values literally the diversity of the universe, this seems peculiar. There’s been a lot of pressure to feature an actor who isn’t Caucasian, and since they probably aren’t going to cast a woman there’s a very good chance this is where they’ll expand the canon.

7. British

Duh. Do YOU want to be the nation that has the entire UK coming after you because one of your actors got the role that is so essentially British it might as well be stamped on the top of every McVitie’s? I thought not.

 

So, will all this in mind, here are my picks for who actually might be coming out of the TARDIS next, in no particular order:

1.   Ben Daniels

This name has been bandied about all over the place, because it makes total sense. Except for the whole ‘another white Doctor’ thing, Daniels ticks every box of a likely Doctor: he’s older, has lots of stage and TV credits while still being not immediately recognizable, and is sexy and funny while still being sweet.

2. Adrian Lester

He’s got the stage cred (and, like David Tennant, famously played Hamlet), he’s got the talent, he’s got the looks, and – bonus – he apparently shares the Doctor’s inability to age, because that dude is 44. 44!!! A Time Lord indeed.

He’s basically standing in front of a TARDIS. I mean, come on.

3. Oliver Chris

This probably won’t happen because he’s too similar to Matt Smith, but how great would the tall bedimpled star from ‘One Man, Two Guvnors’ and the British ‘The Office’ be as the Doctor? He’s a goofy/sweet stage actor with comedy chops for days – a great combo. Also, the dimples. Oh, the dimples.

4. Domhnall Gleeson

   The same age as Matt Smith (although he reads even younger), Domhnall Gleeson is a great choice if they want to continue the youthful trend. He’s insanely charming and has the stage credits (remember him in ‘The Lieutenant of Inishmore’? He was HILARIOUS) and feels like he’s just the right level of fame to play the Doctor – he’s teetering on the precipice of being the Next Big Thing, so why not confirm it? However, he’s more of a boy than a man, and he’s still white (although he is a redhead, which people sometimes seem to think is some sort of weird other category unto itself – I guarantee you that if he is announced as the next Time Lord there will be headlines extolling the first Ginger Doctor).

5. Irrfan Khan

   Come on, if this man beckoned you into his traveling police box to travel the universe, would you go? Of course you would, because Irrfan Khan is the best. He’s a bigger star than anyone else on this list, for sure, but he still hasn’t quite broken into the British and American market in the way he has already in his native India. But it feels like only a matter of time; he is an incredibly talented actor, who effortlessly projects a fundamental decency and heartbreaking vulnerability at the same time. You would instantly believe that his Doctor carries the weight of his destroyed world with him always, and yet you’d trust whatever he says. He’s not technically British, but this would be a really cool nod to the UK’s large Indian population.

6. Stephen Mangan

  I was going to stop at five, but then remembered Stephen Mangan, who would be SO perfect. I mean, right?

7. Jennifer Ehle

  Screw what I said before about not having a woman Doctor, because JENNIFER FUCKING EHLE. Is there anyone in the world who doesn’t want to watch Jennifer Ehle play any role at all? There cannot be, because Jennifer Ehle is the shit. That is all.

Why You Should All Go See ‘The Poor of New York’

21 Apr

Hello all!
Are you excited? Is there a slight frisson in your demeanor? Are you restless as a willow in a windstorm, as jumpy as a puppet on a string? Did you think it was maybe just spring fever? Well you’re wrong. It’s because this weekend ‘The Poor of New York’ is happening at the Connelly theater, and that’s pretty exciting. And if you’re thinking to yourself, “why is that so exciting, Anika?” Well cool your jets, people, because I will tell you. So, without further ado, why you should be excited about ‘The Poor of New York’:

1. It’s a melodrama, straight from 1856.

Oh sure, you’re thinking, a melodrama. Why is that special? We all know what a melodrama is. But do we really? This was the most popular form of theater of its time, and some of it is still in the DNA of today’s theater. And yet melodrama is almost never performed today, unless it’s mocked or just namechecked as a trait of bad theater. But there’s a disconnect there – how can a form that audiences loved so much in the 1800s, a form that is an illustrious ancestor of theater today, be so entirely dismissed? Have you ever actually seen a melodrama as an audience would then, taken seriously as a story told in front of you? Don’t you want to? Well now’s your chance. ‘The Poor of New York’ is one of the greats of the form, written in 1856 by Dion Boucicault, so popular that it spawned productions in other cities and countries. And it’s being done as truly as possible, without a wink.

2. It’s being done at the Connelly Theater

Melodramas were actually staged there when it was newly built! It’s blocks away from Five Points, where the play is set! You can see a melodrama from the 1850s in a miniature opera house from the same century! I’m not saying this is your chance to live your dream and wear a bustle dress to the theater, but this is your chance to live your dream and where a bustle dress to the theater.

3. It’s bizarrely topical.

The play is about the unscrupulous business dealings of a rich banker during the New York Financial Crisis of 1857, which lead to the world’s first global financial crisis. This is a quote from the 1931 program:

“Panics come and panics go, but the theatre
goes on forever. We doubt that the present
depression will last forever, either in the
theatre or out of it. When we hear the char-
acters of the play talk of “over-speculating”
“the fall of the stock market,” and so forth
in the Currier and Ives atmosphere of 1857,
a dim echo of recent conversations comes
down to us from the forgotten past. Thus
history repeats itself even to the failure of
the United States Bank in the time of Van
Buren. We should add that we have not
“doctored” the script in any Way, as might
be supposed from the almost startlingly
modern references, such as that to the United
States Bank failure.”

       A little eerie, right? Melodrama gets a bad rap about only being about silly soap opera dramas, with cartoonish villains and delicate ingenues and dramatic twists. And while it no doubt is partially those things, it clearly also felt the same desire to make people look closely at their own cultural and societal realities that we feel in the arts today. In the never-ending conversations about theater’s role in human life, and politics and theater, and theater history, melodrama must be given a seat at the table. The form might be relegated to the musty halls of history, but the questions that it asked were as vital and topical as any asked by theater today.

4. You can say you knew them back when.

      You know when you see something by a famous genius person, and you think, gee, I wish I had seen what they did when they were starting out, because then I would feel all cool and in-the-know and could brag about it forever. Tyne Rafaeli, who’s directing this, is one of those people. To meet her is to think, “this girl is the coolest,” to talk to her is to think, “this girl is the smartest” and then to hear her talk about theater is to think, “dang I’m glad I’m meeting this person now, because someday when she’s a famous genius person I will feel all cool and in-the-know and can brag about it forever.” The Producer, Michael Csar, is also one of those people, and I’m pretty sure will be running all European theater/opera someday.

5. Look how cute the poster is!

6. I don’t usually write about shows in this way.

     If you’re a regular blog reader, you might be noticing that there is something unusual about this post – I don’t usually try to convince people to go see something. But I also feel it is my duty to bring your attention to something that you might otherwise miss. Plus, I am legitimately very excited about this, both because of the people involved and because, as someone interested in theater and its history, seeing a melodrama fully staged feels like an important piece of my theater-going career. So go here and buy tickets, and you can thank me later.

Happy April (Un)Fools!!

1 Apr

It’s April Fool’s Day, that holiday that is both weirdly unfettered (is there even a cultural history? Or did someone somewhere once get in trouble for a prank and go “well I had to, it’s… uh…. the special day on which you play pranks on people!!!” and then it stuck?) and yet still much more fun than many other holidays (looking at you, St. Patty’s day, aka ‘the day that the MTA gets coated in a layer of green beer bile’). And I suppose that in honor of the day I could put something up that was itself a spoof, which many people do very funnily and well. But on April Fool’s Day, I personally like to take the time to remember the amazing and hilarious things that humanity has created that were not intended to be funny, but oh how they are. Like, for example, this classic – a music video version of ‘The Rum Tum Tugger’ from Cats.

So watch, enjoy, secretly think to yourself that it’s okay that you’re attracted to a giant singing cat because your brain clearly knows somewhere that it’s really a human and so it’s not bestiality at all, right?, and remember – sometimes the only difference between cool and absurd is a few years. And a synthesizer. And a human-sized faux-fur-covered unitard with a tail.

My Lingering Thoughts on the Oscars

26 Feb

So, the Oscars happened last night. And I have thoughts! So let’s just dive in, shall we?

-First of all, did anyone else feel like they didn’t have a horse in this race at all? I saw a bunch of the nominated movies, more than I usually do, and my feeling on almost each and every category was ‘yeah, whichever is fine.’ Not because there weren’t great performances or great movies, but I just didn’t feel personally attached to any of them this year. Honestly, I think my favorite performance of the year was Hadley Fraser in Les Mis, because he managed to make the guy who sings “you at the barricades listen to this” into a character with a rich full inner life and history, and I didn’t think that was even possible.

-Renee Zellweger, what the hell?! I spend a good chunk of my life saying that we squinty-eyed folk actually do have functional eyeballs, and then you go and stumble around oddly and seemingly can’t read anything. Get it together, Zellweger!! We need you! The large-eyed Tarsier people are winning!!

-One of my favorite things about this Oscars was the fact that Quentin Tarantino’s date was a woman named Lianne Spiderbaby:

This is awesome for a number of reasons. First of all, because I adore that dress and always support messy sidebraiding. Secondly, because if you google image her a lot of photos of her with knives and blood come up, which leads me to believe that they are one of those ‘inevitable’ couples, like Bjork and Matthew Barney and Tim Burton and Helena Bonham-Carter. I mean, who else would they date? “So, what are you into?” “Oh, graphic violence. Blood spatter. You know.” “Oh my god, me too!!” See what I mean? And lastly, and most obviously, because her name is Lianne SPIDERBABY. I would like to imagine that many generations ago in a little village somewhere, a town elder said “John who mills we shall call John Miller. And Robert the barrel-maker shall be Robert Cooper. But whatever shall we call Sven, who midwives the arachnids?”

-How amazingly charming were Channing Tatum and Charlize Theron dancing? Who knew?!?! And Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Daniel Radcliffe?! I mean, come on now. I think they should host the Oscars next year as a saucy song-and-dance team, and Charlize Theron and Channing Tatum can just glide on in whenever there’s a transition or a joke that doesn’t go well.

-What is with these otherwise fashionable girls choosing wan ill-fitting pink prom-y dresses to actually win an Oscar in? Between Gwyneth Paltrow in this:

And Anne Hathaway in this:

It’s like there’s something about the promise of an Oscar that makes ladies think that they must find some pink satin stat, but not invite any boob support to the party. And then pair the look with a necklace that doesn’t suit the neckline (Anne Hathaway’s necklace drove me nuts. No necklace with that neckline – long simple earrings! Arm full of bracelets! Rookie mistake!!)
Come on, ladies. If you want to do a pink dress that says THAT’S RIGHT, BITCHES, I AM WINNING A FUCKING OSCAR TONIGHT, take a look at Fan Bingbing:

Fan Bingbing is one of my favorites always, because she is a woman who knows how to wear a dress. Probably very few on the red carpet knew who she was, but I bet when she passed, every single head turned. Take notes, ladies – that’s how you win the evening, whether or not you win the Oscar.

-I feel like Kristen Stewart on the red carpet is the equivalent of those toddlers you see responding to having to go somewhere they don’t want to go by throwing a tantrum and then becoming dead weight that their parents have to drag; they’ll go, but they’ll make it as hard as possible and let you know that they are miserable the whole time. I always think when I see Kristen Stewart that she probably HAS to go to some events, but I doubt she HAS to go to the Oscars. And if she does HAVE to, please remember that your profession is being an actor, K-Stew. You could at least act like having to put on a dress and comb your hair isn’t the most miserable boring thing that has ever happened to you.

-For real, is Nicole Kidman wearing the Batman logo over her navel?

I loved this dress on camera (it’s so shiny she looks like a seal just coming out of water in the red carpet photos), but I honestly can’t figure out that belt. Is she signalling her willingness to take over the franchise when Christian Bale leaves? Is she telling us with the very Klimt-ian gold swirls at the bottom (which match the design on the floor of the stage) that she wants to be a new villain called ‘The Kisser’? Inquiring minds want to know.

-Speaking of those swirls on the stage, those are EXACTLY the doodles I used to draw all over the stage in high school. I even drew them on a lampshade when I was in my DIY phase in college.

-I love that they did a tribute to musicals, then did three musicals. You know, only those three musicals that they’ve made movies of. Good thing they could think of those three, because there certainly aren’t any other possible choices to include. I mean, really, if they were going to pay tribute to something, they really should have picked an industry with a rich full selection of options, not puny musical theater. And there’s definitely no other musicals on film. That must have been hard for them.

-Hey, remember when the Tonys had Lin-Manuel Miranda and Tommy Kail write a rap about the show for Neil Patrick Harris to do at the end of the evening? Remember how funny and perfect and awesome that was? Then remember last night when Kristen Chenoweth came out, and dueted on what was Seth MacFarlane’s maybe fifth unfunny song of the evening? Yeah.

-How adorable was it when Hugh Jackman came to Jennifer Lawrence’s rescue when she tripped on the stairs? Can we just declare Hugh Jackman to be officially the best human being ever? I mean seriously, I feel like if an alien race ever attacks, we should present Hugh Jackman as proof of what humans can be, and then I’m sure the aliens would be like “oh, good point, you guys have potential. Okay guys, back to the home planet.”

-Also in the running for best person ever is George Clooney, who is the only person who has ever called to mind both a beautiful Roman statue and a sexy young Santa Claus at the same time.

-And speaking of impressive hair, how about all the long blond-haired guys winning? It must have been a party in Lothlorien last night, is all I’m sayin’.

-Okay, if I don’t end now, I’ll go on forever. So until I remember the big huge thing I forgot to say tomorrow, I’ll say au revoir until next year!