And I am going to share them with you.
So, in case we need a refresher, there exists a new tour of ‘Jekyll and Hyde’, starring Constantine Maroulis and Deborah Cox. I have previously discussed their promo art and it’s sweaty-with-vinyl aesthetic, and now the universe has gifted me with this promo video featuring highlights from the show:
And oh, I have thoughts.
1. I mocked their promo art for being very ‘Hot Topic’, the goth/punk mall clothing chain. But then I realized, watching this video, that Jekyll and Hyde is itself the Hot Topic of shows. You mock it with gleeful derision, you claim to hate it, but you’re secretly drawn to it, and if you go in you are ashamed at how much you find to enjoy. But you’ll never ever admit it, even while you’re wearing your adorable little skull and crossbones bra and panty set.
2. Ropes! Tied to men! With Deborah Cox and her very active, swoopy arms. Right off the bat, we see the illustrative nature of this production. Not only does every line get an arm movement, but the seductive prostitute reels men in. Literally! With ropes!! See them? They’re right there! Did you get it?
3. This also reminds me of parties we used to have when I was a kid where the whole living room would be filled with a big spider web of strings, and you would have to follow and unravel a string to get a prize. In this case, Constantine Maroulis would be the colorful plastic canteen. Somehow that still feels right.
4. Okay, I don’t want to be mean, but is Deborah Cox much more famous than I think she is? Because she’s in 2.5 minutes of a 3 minute video, for a good snoozy chunk of them just belting in a kimono. I would have thought they would spotlight the star of the show, ex-American Idol singer Constantine Maroulis, who also is, oh, the title character (both, technically). But nope. Is this some weird contract thing? Also, what is that boring power ballad? I half expect the clip of it to end with Cee Lo Green hitting his button to turn his chair around. I’m going to mostly ignore this section, because I’m bored. They couldn’t have shown a little snippet of this and then more of the show?
4. Speaking of Mr. Maroulis, here he is!! Singing RIGHT INTO OUR FACES. I like Constantine Maroulis – I didn’t always, given that odd perma-smirk, but the dude brought it in Rock of Ages. And, you cannot argue with that voice. However, this does not mean that I need to be literally in his vocal cords in order to enjoy his performance. In fact, I would rather have some distance from someone singing like this. As I may or may not have learned from many hours of watching Drew Sarich videos online (because, much as I enjoy Constantine Maroulis, there’s pretty much nothing he does that I would not rather see done by Drew Sarich), sometimes when guys sing like this and hit those big notes, they do this thing that looks like they’re unhinging their lower jaw like a snake about to eat large prey. Or, there’s some odd eyebrow movements. Basically, hitting big crazy notes make human bodies do other things to adjust for this insane sound being produced, and I’d rather be further away so I can enjoy the magic (do opera singers make music videos? No, no they do not.)
5. Ugh, the camera is swooping around so much I feel like I’m a seasick ghost watching Jekyll have his big revelation. I’m about to spew ectoplasmic matter all over the place, if you know what I’m sayin’.
6. My favorite moment in this, and perhaps ever, is when Constantine Maroulis sings “when I look back,” and literally looks back. Just in case we were unclear on what he meant there – he would be looking back. Like this! At the wall that’s back there. It’s especially great since the line is “when I look back I will always recall,” which makes the physical look not make any sense. He’s making literal what was a metaphor! THEN, even better, right after he looks back, he looks forward and does this little grin and nod like he’s saying “see what I did there?! I sang ‘when I look back’ AND I LOOKED BACK!!! BOO-YA!!” It’s 2:46 – 2:50. Watch it repeatedly. Then please someone make a GIF of this.
7. So, in conclusion, will I see this show? Eh, maybe. Will I see this show sober? Absolutely not. And will I be hugely disappointed if Constantine Maroulis doesn’t pop his head back on “when I look back?” You bet your bippy I will.