‘The Dark Knight Rises’ Rises with Teaser, Lippage.

25 May

The newest in the Batman movie series, called ‘The Dark Knight Rises’,  is currently filming (around New York! And I know what it’s secret code title is! But I’m not telling). But already the first image from the movie has been released, by the studio sending a standard publicity shot with a good view of the sexy star to various newspapers, magazines, and media outlets.

I kid, of course!! This is the Batman movie series reboot we’re talking about, after all – the reboot that managed to heal the world’s collective pain from seeing George Clooney’s black plastic nipples with one shot of Heath Ledger in cracked-out white face makeup. So the image they have released from the newest film is this one, of the pillowy-lipped Brit Tom Hardy, as villain Bane:

via movieline.com

And how did they reveal this image? Why, they simply launched the new film’s website went online with a weird, chant-like audio file. Then, and I quote slate.com, “someone posting to the forums on SuperHeroHype had run the sound through a computer program and gotten a visual representation of the audio spectrum—which spelled out the phrase TheFireRises. People recognized that as a Twitter hashtag, which led them to discover the new Twitter account @thefirerises.” People submitted photos to the twitter account, which were then compiled into a giant collage that became this Tom Hardy shot.

Slow clap, The Dark Knight Rises team. Because if you really think that a slow teaser involving a weirdo audio file, a reliance on your legion of nerd fans to possess the ingenuity, inclination, and technology to turn that audio file into a visual, then find the twitter tag it hints at, then send photos in, only after which you reveal a shot that barely shows anything but a shoulder muscle, is going to make me want to see this movie even more, you are… absolutely correct.

I tip my hypothetical hat to you guys. This is A. awesome – how cool to know your fans well enough to trust that they’ll fall on such a twisty clue, and to tease with a first image that’s a dark, sinister, artfully composed shot that barely shows the face of the actor? And B. Totally in line with the series’ reboot so far, which has consistently chosen the more interesting choice instead of the more commercial one (well, except for Katie Holmes, but they fixed that with the far more interesting Maggie Gyllenhaal).

So, that being said, here are my two thoughts:

1. Woah there, Tom Hardy! Is that really you?! Because the last time I saw you, you were sleek in a suit in ‘Inception’, and skinny and scruffy in the BBC’s ‘Oliver Twist’. If that is all your mass now, then clearly you have done nothing since then but pump some serious iron and eat some serious protein. On a side note, since I’m sure Christian Bale probably did the same thing given his fondness for cinematic body mortification, do you guys have a special person on set who just stands by with chicken breasts at the ready to feed you between takes? Because I would apply for that job, I’m just sayin’.

Tom Hardy, pre-ginormity. via exposay.com

2. So let me get this straight. The two major villains in this movie are Tom Hardy as Bane, and Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle, AKA Catwoman. So let’s just tally that up. We have the actor who possesses perhaps the most ridiculously oversized pillowy lips in the world, and the actress who possesses perhaps the most ridiculously oversized pillowy lips in the world, both as villains. I can only hope that there’s a scene in which Batman confronts them both, and is overwhelmed by their collective kissers. Or maybe they have an unstoppable move, the Pucker Punch (sorry)? Or are revealed to both be working for the same criminal overlord, played by Angelina Jolie in a cameo? I don’t know, I’ll leave it to the writers, but for real, these people have some serious lips.

Holy Lippage, Batman!!

I can think of not a single cat-related lip pun. Sorry.

3. Wait, is analyzing audio files using advanced software to seek hidden messages/meanings what I’m supposed to do when I putter around the internet for many hours at a time? Because I pretty much look at red carpet photos and check to see if Gawker or thehairpin.com have updated themselves in the past 30 seconds.

4. Also, can we talk about how this:

“They simply launched the new film’s website went online with a weird, chant-like audio file. Then, and I quote slate.com, “someone posting to the forums on SuperHeroHype had run the sound through a computer program and gotten a visual representation of the audio spectrum—which spelled out the phrase TheFireRises. People recognized that as a Twitter hashtag, which led them to discover the new Twitter account @thefirerises.” People submitted photos to the twitter account, which were then compiled into a giant collage that became this Tom Hardy shot.”

is more interesting than anything that happened during the entire run of AMC’s ‘Rubicon’. I only wish I were joking.

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One Response to “‘The Dark Knight Rises’ Rises with Teaser, Lippage.”

  1. jeremy sams June 6, 2011 at 8:16 pm #

    that Hardy -Hathaway movie? ‘ I pucker lips, now!’

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