Haiku Review: War Horse

15 Apr

via Broadway.com

Horses and bleak war,
Like ‘Black Watch’ and ‘Black Beauty’
Together at last.
This was a kids’ book!?!
I guess it’s like Charlotte’s Web
Except EVERYONE DIES.*
Horses made of steel,
Pulleys and levers connect
Right to my tear ducts.
War Horse, you’re so great,
But lordy, World War I was
Shorter than Act 2.
Lion King still on,
War Horse now open-ended;
Chiropractors score!
*Note: this is an exaggeration – not everyone (or thing, let’s not forget our equine friends) dies in War Horse. It does seem that everyone is shot at multiple times, including the audience, but this does not mean that they die – I don’t want to ruin anything, because the suspense of who will survive the ENDLESS PARADE OF CARNAGE that happens in this play is part of the experience (and I did like the play, I just didn’t realize it was going to be quite so brutal! I have a thing where I have to plug my ears if there’s a gun onstage that might go off/danger approaching/something scary (it doesn’t matter if it’s a potentially loud thing or not – it’s not really a rational reaction), and if it’s a surprise gunshot, I jump. So last night I was flipping around like a fish on a hook for much of the evening, and between the ear-plugging and the inadvertent jumping, the people around me must have thought I was having a seizure).
   Also, technically, I am cheating with this line, which has six syllables, not five. But I just couldn’t resist.
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