HBO has been advertising its new fantasy series, Game of Thrones, pretty heavily, and although I’ve never read the books on which the series is based, I am pretty intrigued. Pretty people in a faraway non-existent realm, a big cool spiky throne, Peter Dinklage in a blond wig, lots of crazy sex scenes – it seems like this series could be the answer to all my ‘why doesn’t someone combine Lord of the Rings and True Blood?’ dreams. So it was with great excitement that I watched the 14 minute preview that HBO has released, which you can watch here:
And, well, here are my thoughts (spoilers ahead).
First image – just three guys, two torches, and a portcullis. And a lot of gray.
1. Dang, it takes three minutes to get those three guys from the portcullis into the woods!! True Blood would have had two murders and a vampire orgy by now.
2. Yikes! Heads on spikes! People popsicles! Crashing chords! Scary dead childsicle! Nicely established creepiness, especially after snobby rich Matt Damon Guy just doesn’t believe and makes them go back to see that…. the bodies have all disappeared. I’m intrigued.
- Snobby Rich Matt Damon guy. Via HBO.com.
3. Wait, seriously?! All that creepiness, and the thing that kills Snobby Rich Matt Damon Guy is…. one of the Cats who runs down the aisle in the first scene of the musical?!
- “are you blind when you’re born?” via HBO.com
4. Do you even have to cast Sean Bean in something like this now? Or does he just go ‘well, they’re shooting a vaguely medieval fantasy epic, I best strap on my breastplate’ and show up on the first day? In any case, in this particular fantasy epic, he has shoulder-length hair, indicating that he will be a noble but tortured man who wrestles with his honor versus his ambition. If he had short cropped hair, you would think he was your friend, but he would betray you.
5. Noble Redheaded Joan Allen Woman! Did they cast this show from a lookalike agency only?!
6. For real, this is much less fun than I was hoping. Where’s Peter Dinklage?!? Where’s the nakedness? Glimmer of hope is awesome little archer girl.
7. Alright, final count is 6 heads on spikes and 3 onscreen beheadings, complete with spurting neck blood (man, whoever is the expert on spurting neck blood makeup must have read this script and been like ‘YES!!’). And that’s in 14 minutes!! So I guess the takeaway is, if you want to see head, watch True Blood or Entourage. If you want to see heads, Game of Thrones is for you.
8. Somebody helpfully brightened up a screen shot of the creepy blue-eyed creature, and I’m pleased to say that it’s not actually Mr. Mistoffelees, but rather Imhotep, from my beloved ‘The Mummy,’ with a beard!
- The ‘White Walker’, apparently.
Good to see you again, Imhotep. I was a little worried there for a while, since I had heard there was this casting freeze and times were hard for CGI Skeletor-villains. But I’m glad you’re back.
So what’s the ultimate word? Based on the preview, I will still watch the first episodes of the show, but I’m wary. It’s certainly beautifully filmed, with some lovely (mostly gray) vistas, but from this it just looks like it might be much less fun than I had hoped. And hey, I like seeing a decapitated head as much as the next girl, but 9 heads in 14 minutes? That’s a whole lotta heads, guys. You have to balance it out with at least one orgy – just ask the guys over at True Blood.