Let me tell you a little story. My freshman year of college, I was assigned three roommates (all of whom ended up being wonderful people I love – I was lucky!). One of these roommates was named Laura Brown, and she would sometimes joke about her name, saying would have to marry someone with a hugely uncommon name to balance it out, so she could be something like Laura Brown Von Ogilvy XII, Esq. Fade out, fade in, after college she became a teacher, and ended up falling in love with, and marrying, a fellow teacher named… Matthew Smith. And they are very happy.
Now, you might have heard me mention an actor named Benedict Cumberbatch lately, yes? Even if he weren’t the brilliant star of the ‘Frankenstein’ at the National I just saw (twice), and the BBC’s ‘Sherlock’, which is winging its way to my home on DVD, and even if he didn’t look like an evil elf that you somehow loved anyway, he would be remarkable for his most splendiferous name. But according to the Laura Brown philosophy of name-matched love, who could possibly match the sheer opulence of a name like Benedict Cumberbatch, a bright name peacock in a world of lowly name pigeons? Would he be destined to be alone, searching the world for that rare flower who didn’t hear his name and go ‘wait… really?!’
Luckily, there is such a flower. And though I don’t know either of these people or whether they know each other, I believe I can say with confidence that they are meant to be together. Yes, Benedict Cumberbatch, your name match has been found, and she is…
British actress of growing renown, star of the upcoming ‘Mr. Popper’s Penguins’ with Jim Carrey, and actual 100% real person with that name.
So go forth, Ophelia Lovibond and Benedict Cumberbatch, and frolic in your name-destined love. And I greatly look forward to the whole bunch of future Lovibond-Cumberbatches: Tiddlywink, twins Pfeffernusse and Balphagor, Arcadia, and the youngest, Bob.
P.S. Actually, they really do look like a pair:
So if anybody reads this and gets any ideas, alls I’m sayin’ is, you’re welcome, and I’d like to be seated next to Martin Freeman at the wedding.