Taymor of Broadway: A Greek Tragedy(ish), Part 1

5 Mar

During the past months of watching the whole ‘Spider-man: Turn of the Dark’ debacle, I realized something: Julie Taymor, while embracing Greek Mythology (well, sort of – I think Homer would plotz if he saw Arachne’s ‘Shoes’ number in the second act) by including a ‘Geek/Greek Chorus’ in the show and mentioning Hubris in the program note, was actually herself following the definition of an actual Greek Tragedy. No really, here’s a definition:

“Tragedy depicts the downfall of a noble hero or heroine, usually through some combination of hubris, fate, and the will of the gods. The tragic hero’s powerful wish to achieve some goal inevitably encounters limits, usually those of human frailty (flaws in reason, hubris, society), the gods (through oracles, prophets, fate), or nature.”

So, without further ado, and with apologies to many including the actual Greek Tragedians:

TAYMOR OF BROADWAY: PART I

ACT I

(New York. A chorus of THEATER BLOGGERS stands near the TKTS booth. Many of them wear show jackets or tees. All are very pale.)

THEATER BLOGGERS:

We gather on this square of Times

Called from our computer screens

And our theater warrens

Our eyes unaccustomed to the light of the sun

To hear the announcement of great Taymor

Queen magnificent of Broadway

Whose ‘Lion King’ still reigns triumphant.

With simple artistry she turned people into beasts

And lo, audiences too turned into beasts

Sated not by ‘Lion King’, nor blue ‘Titus’ nor hippie ‘Across the Universe’

Devouring all yet still

So hungry for her genius they wait breathless for the next

Hold, Great Taymor comes.

(TAYMOR enters, riding on one of the elephants from ‘The Lion King’.)

THEATER BLOGGERS:

Speak, Great Taymor. Tell us of your plans, so that we might say ‘squee’.

TAYMOR:

Minions, I have news.

I have conquered Disney’s jungle

I have conquered Shakespeare’s gore

For my next I shall conquer the air.

I have chosen my next great work, and it shall be… Spider-man.

THEATER BLOGGERS:

Huzzah!

TAYMOR:

And Spider-people shall fill the theater like birds

For I shall pray at the altar of Cirque du Soleil

And give them much, much gold

And they shall give me peculiar hula hoop harnesses.

THEATER BLOGGERS:

Okay!

But tell us, Great Taymor,

Who shall write the book?

TAYMOR:

And for the songs, I shall get

Master tunesmith, Blue-shaded Bono

And man with an article The Edge

For though all his songs sound vaguely alike

They rock.

THEATER BLOGGERS:

Ooh!

But tell us, Great Taymor,

Who shall write the book?

TAYMOR:

And for the star, I will find

A boy beautiful of face

But boring of content

Who sings like a Dreamboat Rock Star

Though he plays a nerd.

His brethren, too, I will have onstage

To stand awkwardly stage right

With some inexplicable guitars.

THEATER BLOGGERS:

Alright!

But tell us, Great Taymor,

Who shall write the book?

TAYMOR:

And for the style, I will choose

Nigh forty different visual styles and images

Changing as I please throughout the night

Whenever my whims decide.

THEATER BLOGGERS:

Hmm…

But tell us, Great Taymor,

Who shall write the book?

TAYMOR:

And for the book, I shall get…

Some guy.

THEATER BLOGGERS:

Huzz- wait, really?

TAYMOR:

I shall help him, of course.

One show alone cannot contain all my thoughts.

I shall add incomprehensible subplots

A chorus present entirely because their name is a pun

Fights shall climax offstage, in narration only

The rules of drama have no place in my realm of genius.

THEATER BLOGGERS:

O Foreswear, and hold thy hand, Taymor.

Proceed with humbleness,

For the gods value above all else caution, and humility, and a good script.

TAYMOR:

And wherefore shall I?

No moon shines brighter than my Tony,

No star says no to my films,

No sun shines on a place where ‘The Lion King’ does not play.

The gods cannot shout loud enough to cover the ‘ker-chink’ of silver hastening towards my bank account.

THEATER BLOGGERS:

Defy them not, great Taymor.

Remember Icarus, who flew too close to the sun.

Remember ‘Lestat’, in which an Elton John score couldn’t cover the sound of people snoring.

Remember ‘In My Life’, which was a hotbox of crazy!

Heed, Taymor, heed!

 

CLICK HERE FOR PART 2, TAYMOR OF BROADWAY’S EPIC CONCLUSION

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4 Responses to “Taymor of Broadway: A Greek Tragedy(ish), Part 1”

  1. Eric Grunin March 8, 2011 at 6:26 pm #

    Genius.

  2. J-Bob March 9, 2011 at 12:23 pm #

    Truly, epic. Legendary. “No moon shines brighter than my Tony,” indeed. I have been looking for the perfect summation of the insanity going on over there, and you have provided it. Bravissima.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Taymor of Broadway: A Greek Tragedy(ish), Part 2 « Bloggledygook - March 26, 2011

    […] finally here! In case you missed part one (which is here), this is the second part of my (sort of) Greek Tragedy based on the happenings of Spider-man: Turn […]

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