The Worst Christmas Song Ever.

23 Dec

My family has had a Christmas tradition for as long as I can remember; every year my father makes the dough for his family’s special Christmas Cookies, and the next day (the dough requires a rest overnight. They are, after all, Chapin cookies, and Chapins are serious about resting) Dad rolls out the dough, we put Christmas music on, and we take out the cookie cutters and get to town.

This year our soundtrack was the holiday mix on a local radio station, and we were half listening while we cut, egged, and sugared. Half-listening, that is, until I started paying attention to a song I had never heard, whose chorus told of a little boy standing in line, wanting to buy a pair of shoes for his Mom, and, well, let’s just say it goes downhill from there. I think it’s best if I don’t keep explaining the song, but rather let you experience it and it’s mind-boggling maudlin sentimentality (and the sight of far too many men standing around in scarves while one guy sings – it’s like the lead singer brought his J. Crew Posse!) for yourselves, via this video that was made for the song, helpfully including clips from the made-for-TV movie based on the song, which I’m sure Rob Lowe now has a team of lawyers trying to wipe from the face of the earth. So, without further ado, ‘Christmas Shoes’:

Oof, I’m impressed if you made it through!

Luckily, friend Paul (master of all things Christmas, and creator of the most brilliant Christmas Club blog,, go immediately) knew not only of the song, but also of the comedian Patton Oswalt’s hilarious riff on it, which is so funny I literally almost fell off the treadmill laughing when I tried to listen to it at the gym. So I present it to you, via youtube with some slightly peculiar animations (you don’t have to watch them, the audio is really the key).



One Response to “The Worst Christmas Song Ever.”

  1. Anna December 24, 2010 at 4:10 pm #

    Did you notice the small text? “From the album and the movie The Christmas Shoes.” When are we Netflixing it??

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