Couture Tragique

10 Dec

Do you ever look at the dresses available for purchase and think ‘well I GUESS those are okay, but I really wish someone would make a dress that made you look like you had tragically saggy boobs/protuberant growths from your stomach sides, even before you put it on?’ Well thankfully somebody at modcloth.com has solved that problem for you, for the low price of $84.99.

via modcloth.com

Appropriately enough, the description of this piece says it has a ‘down-to-earth’ feeling. Which is really the perfect description, for three reasons:

1. If you wear it, your chestal region will look as though it is indeed heading straight down to the earth.

2. ‘Down’ is another word for ‘depressed’, and dang, isn’t there something just deeply depressing about this? I mean, really, if someone walked in wearing this, with even the posture of this dress form, wouldn’t you want to prevent them from leaving until you had filled those tragic giant pockets with prozac samples?

3. There is something very earthy about this, in that earth is where it should return to, specifically under earth. Or perhaps it could be useful in a pinch as a bear bag or to stuff the breezy corners of your log cabin.

I mean, I know that the standards of fashion change all the time, but really.

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One Response to “Couture Tragique”

  1. sarah December 12, 2010 at 9:16 am #

    I’ve heard women whine about lack of pockets in their clothing, but clearly this isn’t what they were after! Even the orphan outfits in “Annie” had more pizzaz… AND pockets(:

    Great post! Love reading about outfits even I wouldn’t wear! I wish fashion mags would run this kind of column. It would be the first page I’d turn to.

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