I’m not a runner. I have bad knees, bad hips, and a bad ability to rationalize forcing myself to go nowhere fast, then to come back sweaty. I have to bribe myself to stay on a treadmill by watching truly crappy reality television and going at a pace that is probably slower than I actually walk most of the time.
Today, of course, is the New York Marathon day, and in its honor I am sitting on my butt reading Sunday Styles and eating breakfast, which I’m pretty sure I have done every marathon so far. And I may marvel at these people, so willing to sweat so much in public, then look like a baked potato afterwards in their tinfoil blankets, and I may like to point out that the term ‘marathon’ comes from 490 BC Greece when a soldier ran from Marathon to Athens (25 miles) to announce the defeat of the Persians in battle, THEN DIED OF EXHAUSTION (who then decided to celebrate this by having many other people do the same thing? Isn’t that sort of like being like ‘wow! this brave swimmer almost crossed the Atlantic ocean, but drowned before he could do it! Everybody in the water!!) But the truth is, I admire those who can run the marathon, who possess the drive and the ability to accomplish such a daunting task. I salute you, baked potato people. And in your honor, I present my favorite skit about running, in a brilliant (but truly terrible quality – sorry!) video from the late great ‘Ben Stiller Show’: the ‘Mohican Master 2000’.