Under Where, Exactly?

21 Feb

I’m sure many people will agree with me that underwear can be pretty fun. I mean, what’s better than having on your thematic Wonder Woman underoos on a day when you need that little extra bit of confidence, or knowing that you have pink ruffles all over your butt under your responsible black pencil skirt? You can match the set, stick with plain basics, wear a push-up to fool the world, or forgo them entirely. Fun! Even guys have multiple options – is there any segment of male clothing besides boxers in which you’re encouraged to wear goldfish? Or little lipsticks?

But if you’re like me, I’m sure you’ve had the thought that it’s really too bad that there are really only two places to put underwear, the upper and lower genitalia sets. How limiting. How boring. And aren’t there other parts of the body that could use a little extra special insulation?

Well, luckily I’m not the only one who had that thought. First off, let’s all remember the brilliant folks over Mystery Science Theater 3000 came around with their excellent invention the ‘Chinderwear’ for the oft-neglected Chin-butt.

In standard white and saucy leopard! I miss these guys.

And now, Fred Flare has answered another brave call, from those people who felt that going commando under gloves was just not right.

Yes, that’s right, peeps, let’s all give a warm welcome to Fred Flare’s Handerpants:

Yes, now you no longer have to look at that crease between your thumb muscle and the rest of your hand with abject disgust. No longer do you have to feel that your fingers flop around unsupported. Some tighty whitey handerpants, and you’re good to go!

Now if only someone would attend to the unsightly exposed earlobe. A wee tiny little pink ruffled thong, maybe?


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